I am not a perfect mom

I think as women move forward in their lives to become mommies we all have this notion things will be perfect.  We vow we will never put our children in front of the tv, feed them all fruits and vegetables, never raise our voice to them or punish them because they will just automatically do as we ask as soon as they are old enough to understand.  Do everything 'by the book' as they say.  We vow to be a perfect mom.

Yes...been there, done that.  If only it were really that easy.  Darn if these sweet little creatures don't actually come with a manual!

I have had people tell me and reassure me I am a good mom.  My sister-in-law has referred to me as "Super Woman" on a few occasions, and said she hopes to be a good mom like me when it is her time.  While this is flattering to hear, I don't necessarily agree with her compliments.

The last few weeks with Parker have been a struggle.  Probably more for me than Mark, Parker's dad and step-mom.  His days at school have been....less than desireable to say the least.  It isn't that he's a bad kid, persay.  He just likes to talk.  He has always been a very sociable and outgoing kid.  And for whatever reason he seems to gravitate to the kids who are a struggle to just get along with.  A love-hate relationship if you will.  They get together and just can't seem to make good choices together.  The problem is it isn't getting better. 

We have tried everything.  I have sought advice of other moms, the internet.  I have prayed for guidance and encourage Parker to pray.  I have come close to a cry plead for help from Super Nanny (I think she retired??).  We have taken away everything, we have tried every positive reinforcement tactic you can think of.  We have tried rewards systems, we have even tried paying him to have good days in school. 

There is a good deal of frustration and tears in our house lately, both are mostly on my part.  I have screamed and yelled and threatened and punished.  I question where I went wrong.  Why can't I seem to get through to him?  I blame myself for past decisions I made and the impact they have had on him.  Every day has ended in tears for me and I am left feeling much less than a good mom.  And definitely not even close to a perfect mom.

But then there are those moments that really snap me back into reality and I remember...He is 7.  He is a bright and sociable and inquisitve 7 year old boy.  He makes mistakes as every human does and while it is a struggle to get him to learn from these mistakes, we just have to remain consistent and diligent with him. 

Mondays have become rather hectic in our house - work until 4:30, go home and pick up Parker for Karate at 5:30pm.  Get home shortly after 6pm, eat dinner, read, bed by 8.  This past Monday Mark had to work and as I was eating dinner with the boys Parker and I had a good talk.  He asked me questions, I answered, we chatted and I felt like we were reconnecting as mommy and son. 

Once I had both boys tucked into bed and wrapped up some things that needed to be done I went in and sat with Parker for a few minutes.  He was already asleep so I sat rubbing his face and telling him how much I love him and how lucky I am that of all the little boys in the world God gave me the two best ones.

Since this there hasn't been any more yelling or tears and the frustration level has come way down.  His days haven't been improving but the way we are handling it is.  I am making much more effort to spend time with him every day even if just for a few minutes despite the hectic schedule.

Parenting isn't easy and I am definitely not a perfect mom.  I make mistakes but when I do I acknowledge them.  Especially to Parker.  I think it is so important for kids to know that we as parents aren't perfect and we mess up sometimes, too.  Being a good mom has always been important to me.  I know I have room for improvement but I won't ever give up trying.